Can you imagine if National Geographic was run by ten-year olds who just went around beating up wolverines!?
*With a nasal voice* “I have a marsupial…”
“I’m gonna catch a giraffe to ride.”
The Khaleesi pondering the world of Pokemon Legends: Arceus
You built the system that makes me fear tomorrow. So you will look upon dawn and you will be afraid.
A dead-eyed Khaleesi on health insurance
Am I Be Needing A Boat
Crazy Old Pirate On Netflix: I hear you be needing a boat.
Plucky Protagonist on Netflix: Oh. Am I be needing a boat?
Me (Pausing the video to get chicken nuggets): That is a good question.
Me: Every day we should ask ourselves that.
The Khaleesi: “Am I be needing a boat”?
Me: Yes. And then we should ask, ‘who could provide me that boat or what could I do to acquire that boat?’
The Khaleesi: Fuck. That was actually wise…
The Duality of Man
Me (at 11:00 pm): >Gasps<
The Khaleesi (exasperated): What? I can’t right no- Please don’t do that.
K: …
K: What is it?
M: When does Orion Pax obtain the Matrix and become Optimus Prime?
K: I don’t know…
M: On his Bot Mitzvah! 0_0
K: I hate you so much, but that’s very funny…
NOBODY LOVES THE PENTAGON AFTER THEY’VE HAD AN ORGASM!
The Khaleesi on whether love can convert Lois Lane
“Ooooooh! If there was a sex shop run by a family of Highland Cows I would go there every day…”
- The Khaleesi, without elaboration
Keep At It, Kid
The Khaleesi (Sincerely): You’re good at this.
Me: Thank you, that means a lot.
K: I mean, I don’t know if you’re fifty screaming Michael Cera heads, but, y’know, you’ll get there…
Choices Were Made (And Unfortunately Croissants Were Not)
- A long sigh -
“It is unfair for people to continue to make bad choices when I can’t eat croissants…”
- An exceptionally weary Khaleesi
The Great Hunger
“I’M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO EAT THE POTATOES! I LOVE THOSE POTATOES LIKE PEOPLE.” *pause* “THOSE POTATOES HAVE NEVER CALLED ME A COMMUNIST CUNT. THAT MAKES THEM BETTER THAN PEOPLE!”
- The Khaleesi with all the pathos and vibrato of a southern belle pleading with bandits not to kill her brother.
Aristophanes’ The Birds
“WHY DO WE LIVE IN A WORLD WITH PELICANS AND BALLS!”
*Immediately breaks down crying*
- The Khaleesi, having a rough day